Structured approach to workplace conflicts, performance discussions, and challenging feedback using preparation-delivery-followup framework. Use when preparing for tough conversations, addressing conflicts, giving critical feedback, or navigating sensitive workplace discussions.

Difficult Conversations Skill A structured framework for approaching challenging workplace conversations including conflicts, performance issues, sensitive feedback, and emotionally charged discussions. When to Use This Skill Preparing for a challenging conversation with a colleague Addressing performance issues with a team member Delivering difficult feedback to a peer or manager Navigating conflict between team members Discussing sensitive topics (salary, promotion, termination) Handling emotional or defensive reactions Following up after difficult discussions Core Framework: Preparation Delivery Followup Difficult conversations succeed or fail based on three phases: Phase 1: Preparation (Before) Purpose: Set yourself up for a productive conversation 1. Clarify the Issue What specifically happened? (Observable facts only) What is the impact? (On you, team, work) What do you need to change? 2. Check Your Emotions What am I feeling? Why? Am I calm enough to have this conversation? What might trigger me during this conversation? 3. Consider Their Perspective How might they see this situation? What constraints or pressures might they have? What do they care about that I can acknowledge? 4. Define Your Goal What outcome do I want? What is the minimum acceptable result? What am I willing to compromise on? Phase 2: Delivery (During) Purpose: Have the conversation effectively 1. Open Neutrally Start with facts, not judgments Express intent to understand, not accuse Create psychological safety 2. Share Your Perspective Describe behavior, not character Focus on impact, not intention Use "I" statements, not "you always" 3. Listen Actively Ask clarifying questions Acknowledge their viewpoint Look for shared interests 4. Seek Resolution Propose specific actions Agree on next steps Set check in timeline Phase 3: Followup (After) Purpose: Ensure lasting resolution 1. Document Agreements What was agreed? Who does what by when? How will you measure success? 2. Check Progress Follow up as promised Acknowledge improvements Address continued issues promptly 3. Maintain Relationship Separate issue from person Rebuild trust over time Watch for regression Key Principles Separate Impact from Intent What happened: Observable behavior What I felt: Your emotional response What I assume: Their intention (often wrong) Focus conversation on behavior and impact, not assumed intentions. The SBI Model Situation: When and where did this happen? Behavior: What specifically did they do/say? Impact: What was the effect on you, the team, or the work? Managing Emotions If You Feel Before Acting Angry Wait 24 hours, write but don't send Hurt Talk to neutral party first Anxious Practice the conversation Defensive Identify your contribution When to Escalate Escalate when: Safety is at risk Legal issues involved Repeated conversations haven't worked Power dynamics prevent resolution You need documentation Conversation Types Performance Feedback Lead with specific examples Connect to expectations/standards Focus on future improvement Offer support and resources Conflict Resolution Hear both sides separately first Identify underlying interests Look for win win solutions Document agreements Sensitive Topics Choose private, neutral setting Allow time for processing Be direct but compassionate Respect confidentiality Receiving Feedback Thank them for feedback Ask clarifying questions Don't defend immediately Reflect before responding References (Load When Needed) Detailed Frameworks [Conversation Framework](references/conversation framework.md) : Complete three phase framework with scripts and examples [Preparation Template](references/preparation template.md) : Worksheet for preparing before difficult conversations [Delivery Scripts](references/delivery scripts.md) : Opening lines, response handling, reframing techniques [Emotional Regulation](references/emotional regulation.md) : Managing your own emotions before and during See Also feedback mastery skill SBI feedback model (overlaps but more feedback focused) professional effective communication skill General communication patterns Example Scenarios Scenario 1: Addressing Missed Deadlines Scenario 2: Peer Conflict Scenario 3: Asking Manager for Raise Anti Patterns to Avoid In Preparation Scripting every word You'll sound robotic; prepare themes, not scripts Building a case This isn't a trial; seek understanding, not winning Waiting too long Issues compound; address promptly In Delivery Starting with "You always..." Triggers defensiveness immediately Burying the lead Get to the point; don't soften excessively Asking leading questions "Don't you think..." isn't asking In Followup Forgetting to check in Without follow up, nothing changes Holding grudges Issue resolved means relationship continues Over documenting Not everything needs written record Success Metrics A successful difficult conversation: Both parties feel heard Specific actions are agreed Relationship is preserved or improved The issue doesn't recur (or has clear escalation) Neither party is blindsided later

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